A Time For Thanks (and pie)
by Linda Sharp
With the Thanksgiving holiday just around the corner, it is time to reflect on what we are truly thankful for in our lives. Family, health, happiness, good friends. All important, all worthy of raising a glass and toasting as we gather together. Yet, as you fill your tummies with turkey and your hearts with memories of Uncle Herbert fighting with your three year old over the last drumstick, stop to ponder some of the things we take for granted in our day to day lives . . .
Modern Conveniences: I don't know about you, but I often find myself being thankful for frozen food and my microwave oven. From soup to hot chocolate to whole lasagnas, I cannot remember the last time I actually turned on my oven. With the fast paced life of carpools, practices and eating on the run, the stove is basically a large, white, metal
Sunrises: Nothing beats a gorgeous, pastel streaked feast for the eyes first thing in the morning, unless of course, said feast interrupted a dream about that other eye-candy, Mel Gibson.
Make-up: As I greet myself in the mirror each morning, I am eternally grateful to the many scientists who cook up the cosmetics I use to morph from Gruella, Mistress of Sheetwrinkles and Bedhead to Linda, well coifed and mascara-ed mommy/wife
Extraordinaire. Actually I think my family may be more thankful than me . . .
Sugar & Fat Substitutes: Since Sweet N Low and Equal came along, we have been free to enjoy our coffee sweetened to the point it can curl our teeth. No calories, just saccharin satisfaction. And then lo and behold, scientists came along with Olestra, releasing snack foods from the fatty confines that had held them hostage for so long. Granted, there is the potential for some, how shall we say?, indelicate side effects, but who cares about that when you are happily wolfing down a bag of Doritos? I think wearing a Depends is a fair trade for guilt-free gobbling, don't you?
Toilet Paper: Yes, that's right, toilet paper. How can we not offer thanks for a product dedicated to pampering our posteriors? That freed us from corncobs in the outhouse? That made us able to once again use our catalogs in the only way Sears intended them to be used?
LYCRA: It may not be faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive, but it is able to squish cellulite in a single bound! Reshaping the physical landscape, redefining the topography of our thighs, who among us hasn't said a silent prayer of thanks as they don this wonder fabric and miraculously fit into a dress that moments before quivered in fear in the closet?
Boy Bands: Let us pause and offer thanks for the financial genius of groups such as The Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and 98 Degrees. Without them ensnaring the worship and adoration of our children, how would we ever figure out what to do with our money? Thank you from the bottom of my empty wallet for providing an endless glut of CDs, posters, key chains and magazines. My purse would be so much heavier to carry without you.
Time passes quickly, the holiday will come and go, and before you know it we will be decorating for the winter festivities. So as you gather around the table, prepared to enjoy the physical and emotional bounty of Thanksgiving this year, pause for a moment and give thanks for at least one item you normally take for granted. Personally I will be giving thanks for the elastic in my pants that will allow me to eat a second helping of everything and three pieces of pie. Gobble, gobble.
Linda Sharp is an internationally recognized author & columnist whose work wraps around the globe to appear in print publications
from Maine to Malaysia, as well as across the web. Linda is also creator of the totally irreverent and hysterical website, Sanity
Central — A Time Out From Parenting!, located at http://www.sanitycentral.com. Her latest book, Stretchmarks On My
Sanity: The Growing Pains of Raising a Family, has earned her rave reviews and comparisons to the late Erma Bombeck. She may be
reached via email at mailto:email@example.com
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