Building Self Esteem 101
by Karen Wolff
Building self esteem is no different than a contractor building a structure. If the foundation is strong, the building won't fall down. But if the contractor skimps on this part of the process or uses the wrong materials, the building will never last.
Your own self esteem is your foundation. It is the product of many years of both positive and negative words and events in your life that you felt deeply and, more importantly, that you recorded in your mind.
It isn't easy to "undo" the parts of your self image that you view as negative. It's taken more than a day for you to get to where you are, and it will take more than a day to make a change.
But the good news is that it can be done! Here are four things you can start doing right now that will change things for the better.
1. Refuse to let other people fill your mind with nothing but negative stuff. If you're in relationship with people who do nothing but tear others down, it's time to find some new friends. Unfortunately, the old saying, "birds of a feather flock together" definitely applies in this situation. You tend to become like those you associate with.
2. Eliminate all the negative stuff you say to yourself every single day. You certainly shouldn't accept negative stuff from other people, so why should you accept it from yourself? Because your mind accepts everything you say as "truth", it is your brain's job to do everything it can to make sure that reality comes true.
3. Make it a point to look for the positive in every situation. You can't control everything in your life, but you can control how you respond to it. Every time you respond positively, you contribute to building someone else's self esteem, and that can only help build your own as well.
4. Don't ever tear down someone else's self esteem. It is possible to confront people without tearing them down personally. It isn't necessary to judge, criticize, or berate someone if a mistake is made. Just as you are guarding your own self image from negative stuff, make sure you're not responsible for spewing any yourself.
It is especially important to teach your kids about these steps. We all learn starting at birth, and the sooner your kids start thinking right, the sooner they'll act right. Make it their responsibility to make other kids feel good about themselves and tell them they need to be the example of right behavior. What a concept....kids teaching other kids to feel good about themselves.
About the Author
For more help on this topic, go to How to Gain Self Esteem
Karen Wolff is the founder of , a website where Christian women can find help with issues they face everyday.
(NOTE: Referral to Web sites not produced
by the Caton Family is for informational purposes only, and does not
necessarily constitute an endorsement of the sites' content.)
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